Hard days

I really want to write about the past week, and how I'm feeling now...but it's so hard. I'll try to write something though.

It's hard to believe...how much love I can have for a creature of another species. I mean, it's not like I could sit down and talk to Binky the way you can talk to people. "Hey, what are your beliefs? What do you like to do for fun? What do you think about Michael Phelps and his 8 gold medals?"

But there is no question, no shred of doubt in my mind that I loved Binky with all my heart. I felt closer to him than most people. I missed him when he wasn't around and I looked forward to seeing him. I also know that whatever capacity he had in him to love me was obviously there. He would run/bounce to greet me when I came home and he would comfort me when I was down.

I have to keep reminding myself that we did the right thing for him. As hard as it was for us to do. We could have drug out the inevitable, but that wouldn't have been fair to anyone.

A lot of the things that make me cry right now, are little selfish things. I keep expecting him to walk up the driveway or to pop up in the window. When I go to get a plate out of the cupboard I expect him to bolt into the kitchen to beg for treats. He's suppose to be sitting under the lilac tree in the front yard or rolling around in the grass in the sun. I miss his crooked tail and his missing teeth.

I hope his last night here with us was happy and comfortable. Chris and I each got one last head butt, and we both got lots of cuddling in. We could tell he wasn't really the same, but there was enough there to know that our goodbyes were heard.